Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Tailgate Bar and Grill

The Tailgate Bar and Grill
Wow. I have to say I may have outdone myself this time. I have in more than once instance been to a dive bar for dinner in my adventures on the road, but this one resembled the Double Deuce. If you don’t know that movie reference than there is no hope for you give up on life and move in to a van down by the river… That said, I probably could have guessed this based on the exterior signage and its accompaniment by a giant NASCAR. As I walked through the door I was greeted by the odors of fried food and body odor. The fried food a given, but the BO was no doubt due to the vast economic mix of redneckery inhabiting this particular freeway hell hole. I can only imagine that the inhabitants of this particular gin joint had eaten there for years, as their waste lines joined the vast and growing obesity epidemic in these United States. Given my previous comparison I would imagine that you get the idea; however, for those of you that have not seen Road House let me help you. The floors stuck to the bottom of my shoes, I felt after every step that I had been weighted to the floor. I feared that I had taken the wrong flight this morning and landed in Detroit.

Service: An extremely surly and annoyed killer whale of a human being manned the counter. Upon my asking what was good, he replied “just order something it’s all good.” His counter parts in the kitchen appeared to have showered sometime in 1965 and the smell accompanying the staff confirmed this assertion.

Chicken Wings: While I ate every last one they tasted as though they had been deep fried in the sweat of a thousand hobos. The smell of this particular “appetizer” was so rancid and vile that had I not been starving to death I would have caused to most noxious of gastronomical reactions. How one screw up a chicken wing I will never know, but these guys managed it.

Catfish: First it is clear that everything is bigger in Texas..(See Picture) I ordered 3 PIECES of catfish I was delivered 3 WHOLE cat fish. Given the ambiance I surprised they did not have heads. Here we have a meal that should have embodied all that is sacred in the genre of fried foods. Again I was sorely mistaken. These fish were likely caught in the ninth ward after Katrina… You could say with very little doubt that this was not the “Catch of the Day.” Freshness aside I am almost 100% certain that there are seagulls in the Gulf of Mexico that have ingested less toxic oil than I did in the last 12 minutes. I wonder if I will wake up tomorrow turned inside out…..

Overall: I guess you can judge based on my raving review that this place is not worth a stop by, but it was either eat at Denny’s or entertain myself.. It is likely however that I will not awake in the morning either from the salmonella that I likely contracted or the impending anomalies that are likely brewing in my lower intestine. If I were engulfed in flames and covered with angry killer bees I would not enter for help.

On Something Scale… 1