Monday, November 29, 2010

Cattlemens Steak House

Cattlemen’s Steak House is by the very frame work of the word a landmark. Having been in business for over 100 years operating both as a steak house and butcher shop their knowledge of steak is legendary.

The sign in front looks as though it belongs to a strip club and frankly the exterior d├ęcor would not lead you to believe much different. It is dank and darkly lit and sits in a part of Oklahoma City known as ‘Stock Yard Town.” As is customary to my experience I am alone and walking into the unknown; this time a steak house known best (recently) for serving our last president his favorite steak in Oklahoma. You could say that I was a touch out of my element.

Striking my eyes in this barrage of old world “cowboydom” was the bright red booths worn carpet and diner feel that embodies most every Denny’s I have ever frequented. It is at best a rundown family restaurant by the look of it, and I am already dreading what may come.

I was greeted by a creature who looks as if Barbara Streisand and Mothra mated and lead to the diner bar for my meal. I was then greeted by the second largest person I have ever laid eyes on… Clearly Oklahoma is not focused on fitness as both of the ladies I encountered outweighed my wife’s Hummer, AND by themselves AND handily.

As ambience is now clear lets focus on the food and drink.

Wine List: Extensive…I was impressed……
Merlot California
Shiraz Australia
White Zinfandel (Yes its on there)
Cabernet California


I was feeling like a connoisseur of all things bizarre having watched Andrew Zimmer for a bit in a slumber; I ordered the “Lamb Fries.” Sheep testicles are apparently a delicacy in Ok City and I was proud to join the ranks of those who had devoured them… They taste like chicken with the consistency of shrimp…They taste like nothing…and I mean NOTHING.

The steak hailed by our former president as one of his favorite on earth was in short over rated, and over cooked. It had the consistency of a IHOP breakfast steak. I have eaten better meals at Outback Steak House on a bad day. This unidentifiable cut of meat was possibly the most boring flavorless thing I have ever put in my mouth… The only thing that gave it any flavor was the Au Jous smothering it.

For the sake of time let me summarize. The waitresses should be consultants as to how one might get “marbling” into their cattle, as they are clearly subject matter experts. The food was boring and made no impression at all. The red wine (served chilled) was hilariously sad. The ambience was that of a truck stop in Nowheresville. The only redeeming qualities were the landmark status and the pleasant service. Do not bother.

Given Adam Richman of Man Vs. Food said this place was great as well makes me think that he is a mediocre hack who ought to hang out with Anthony Bourdain for as to learn about good food. I suppose it’s no wonder this man eats 1100 pound burgers for a living…

Something Scale:
This place is a joke I give it a 2.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Ray's PeGe

I am here in the heart of Cajun Country, literally sitting diagonal to a swamp, anticipating what is touted as the best sandwich between Monroe and New Orleans.... Having ordered from the short order cook (a person I have come to recognize in most circles as a culinary master) I am literally giddy.

The red ripped booths, and stained tile floor set the stage for what is clearly a beloved establishment in the hearts of all who inhabit Monroe, LA.

The delivery of this gravy laden, 2000 calorie, meatwich brings tears to my eye... Misty and emotional I take the first bite.

Until today I was unaware that roast beef could suck the moisture out of ones soul, especially when covered in gravy.... The bread a slighlty more stale rendition of dick clarks libido. I could liken the gravy to milk of magnesia, as it had the same flavor and identical texture. I was impressed that the fries, the roastbeef, nor the gravy had a disernable flavor of anykind (Minus Milk of Magnesia.)

Clearly the people of Monroe, LA have either lost way or they are completely delusional.. Subway makes a better sandwich and it is closer to my hotel... Perhaps I should have reviewed my 5 dollar footlong from yesterday.

Essentailly I would rather devour rancid dolphin flesh at a PETA rally than ever eat here again.

On the something scale they score a 1...But only because they had the appearance of a worn local haunt that should serve amazing food....

Lets see what this evening brings...